Kittens
by E for Emma
Summary: What would happen if the FF7 crew was presented with a box of cute kittens?


Kittens  
  
by Shizuka  
  
This is a short thing to present my answer to the question, "How would the FF7 crew react to kittens?" Mmmyep. NOTE: The kittens are NOT Red's children.  
  
-Cloud-  
  
*Cloud sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Cloud: Kittens...I think Tifa had kittens back in Nibelheim. *Cloud picks up a kitten.* They're nice and soft. And cute. Eh, why not? *The kitten hops onto his shoulder and stays there.* I think I'll name you Little Cloud! *The tabby kitten mews, then begins to purr.* I just hope I don't mistake you for my sword and take you out during battle. That would be embarrassing.  
  
TWO DAYS LATER  
  
Little Cloud has become the feline clone of Cloud, his tabby fur done up into spikes and even wearing a purple...thing. The only thing he's missing is a mini-sword and...Never mind. Little Cloud now has an aluminum foil version of Cloud's sword.   
  
-Barret-  
  
*Barret sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Barret: Kittens? I'm sure Marlene would enjoy a lil' kitten of her own. Let's see. *Barret looks in the box and takes out a brown kitten, then holds her.* Um...it's a girl kitten so I s'pose I gotta put a big pink bow 'round her head or sumthin'. *Kitten still in hands, Barret ventures off to Wal-Mart and obtains some pink ribbon to tie over the kitten's head. After struggling to tie it on using his good hand, he simply asks the Wal-Mart associate who doesn't speak a lot of English for help. Now the kitten's big brown eyes are staring up at this ridiculous pink ribbon on her head as Barret ventures off to present Marlene with her kitten.*  
  
-Tifa-  
  
*Tifa sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Tifa: KITTENS!!! Awww, aren't you all so cute? I think I could use a little kitten of my own. Hmm...there's quite a bunch here in this box. *Tifa looks around in the box and pulls out a male tabby kitten with brown stripes and blue eyes.* Wow! You look kind of like Cloud! I'll name you Cloud Jr. *Tifa goes off to a restaurant where people are eating hamburgers, including Cloud himself.* Cloud! Cloud Jr. says, "Put that freakin' sandwich down."   
  
Cloud Jr.: MEW!!  
  
-Aeris-  
  
*Aeris sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Aeris: Hello, cuties! *Aeris puts her hand in the box and begins to pet the kittens inside.* So cute and so soft. But why are you all just sitting here in this box? Does this mean I can take one for me? I hope so! I think a kitten would be picture-perfect running around in the garden, chasing butterflies and the like. Well, then, I'll just look for one. *She rummages around in the box before taking out a female Siamese kitten with blue crossed eyes.* I think I'll choose this one. *The kitten goes to sleep in her hands.* But what can I name you? How about...Moonlight! That's a good name. Come on, Moonlight, I'll show you your new home.  
  
-Red XIII-  
  
*Red XIII sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Red XIII: *Red turns to face the "camera" or "audience".* Is this some kind of a cruel joke? Who made one of those kittens look like Aeris? *He looks around.* Where's that bastard Hojo anyway? *He walks off, growling.*  
  
-Yuffie-  
  
*Yuffie sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Yuffie: Kittens! How cute! *She peeks into the box and takes out a calico kitten with amber eyes.* Especially this one. Yes, you're cute, and you know it. I suppose I have to name you, then. Let's see. Your eyes look kind of like materia. That's it! I shall call you *camera zooms in on Yuffie's face* Materia. Now come on, Materia, let's go steal some of your namesake together. *Materia hops on Yuffie's arm and begins to lick one of her materia while purring.*   
  
-Sephiroth-  
  
*Sephiroth sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Sephiroth: What the hell am I doing sitting in front of some kittens? Kittens are pointless. They are mere puppets and--*A grey kitten with green eyes hops out of the box and walks over to Sephiroth, rubbing himself up against Sephiroth's hand vigorously while purring loudly.* Huh? *He ends up petting the kitten.* You're using your mind control to make me like you, I know it!! ...But you're cute anyway, so you can become my partner in crime. I've needed one for a while now. Come, I'll show you where my mom lives! I shall call you...Mini-Sephiroth. Come on, let's go. *Sephiroth picks Mini-Sephiroth up and puts him over his shoulder, then walks off.*  
  
-Vincent-  
  
*Vincent sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Vincent: Kittens? What? What am I doing here? Don't tell me Hojo's gonna turn me into some fucked-up cat-man or something. That's disturbing. Let's see. *He looks inside the box.* You're a poser, and you're a poser, and so are you, and...Hey, this one likes me! *A black cat with orange eyes is mewing and licking Vincent's claw arm.* I hate to say this for fear that Sephiroth will hear but I think this one's kind of cute. And it's not afraid of my arm, which is a definite plus. I also hope Chaos doesn't get mad at me for caving in to a kitten, but it's worth the risk. *He scoops up the kitten.* Now, what can I name you? Darkness. That's a great name. Now I've just got to hope that Hojo doesn't get any ideas...  
  
-Cid (Vicious)-  
  
*Cid sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Cid: What the fuck is a box of defenseless little kittens doin' sittin' right here and shit? They're all cute and shit, too. Maybe Shera would enjoy a little shit to hang around the house while I'm gone. Let's hope this little shit likes tea 'cause that's what he's gonna be drinkin' a lot of from here on in. *Cid picks up a white kitten with blue eyes.* Imma call you Teabag unless the bitch wants to call you somethin' else. And if she picks a sucky name, I'm gonna kick her stupid little ass! ...But that's another story. C'mon, Teabag, let's take you home.  
  
-Cait Sith-  
  
*Cait Sith sits before a box of mewing, squirming kittens.*  
  
Cait Sith: All right, Red told me about this. This is a really unfunny joke, you know! I already kind of look like a cat, so what would I need one for? Bump that. I'm outta here. *Cait Sith walks off and begins to advertise his new psychic hotline using his megaphone.* 1-900-984-3321, folks! Ask for me, the one and only Cait Sith! I'm also kind of the only one running the line so I'm the only one you'll talk to if you call. It's free for the first 5 minutes, then only $3.99 per minute after that! That's a deal you can't afford to pass up on! 1-900-984-3321. For entertainment purposes only. Must be 18 or older to call.  
  
Thus ends this little fanfic which was the product of my boredom. I hope you enjoyed it! 


End file.
